Okay, so I found the full story of the guy who called while I was working tech support, who told me all about his crazy ex. As I mentioned in the rest of the tech support stories, our calls are supposed to be 9 minutes and 30 seconds, or less, otherwise we get in trouble. Our company gets a huge bonus (that I don’t receive any part of) if our overall average is under that time.
This call was over an hour.
Took about a decade to find the notes I had written down that night when I got home. It was such crazy shit that I needed to write it immediately. But of course I subsequently lost the text document. Buried in the bowels of some super-old backup hard drive, I eventually found it and rejoiced.
Here’s what happened on the call:
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A customer called today and was having an issue with a charge on his bill for something called “web conference.”
I had no idea what the hell “web conference” was, or why that would even be something that would be charged to a regular-ass home user account. It sounded more like something our business class customers would use for their company.
Had to ask my floor manager about it, and he told me to refer the user to the billing department, because this specific issue was nothing we could deal with in the tech support section.
The caller must have been at the end of his rope, because he somehow got to chatting to a complete stranger over the phone about his crazy ex-wife/ex-girlfriend who was trying to fuck up his whole life.
Over the previous year, I had personally dealt with having to threaten an ex-girlfriend of mine with legal action to get her to leave me alone, so of course it was meant to be that we would find each other as kindred spirits.
(I’ve told some of those “rant about all the crazy shit my ex-girlfriends did” stories on various versions of this blog in the past. But the older I get, the more I believe in letting things go, and not turning my website into a gossip fest. Although those were by far my most popular posts ever, so if I ever want to monetize, digging them up out of my dusty hard drive backups is the quickest way to selling out.)
So, fuck yes I want to talk about your crazy ex! I took a special interest, and spent WAY more time on the call than my supervisors would have been happy with.
He told me his whole life story. It put my “wah wah stop calling me or I’m gonna get a restraining order” ex-girlfiend story to shame in no time.
In no particular order:
– She was a Mexican citizen. I don’t know if she was in the US illegally, but I suppose that doesn’t really matter to me anyway.
– They had a kid together, a son. I think I remember him being about eight or ten years old.
– I don’t know what ended their relationship, but I am going to assume he broke up with her, because she went batshit fucking psycho after they weren’t together anymore.
– She hatched a series of increasingly evil and cunty plots to obtain custody of their son. I guess since she wasn’t an American citizen, she had to go the extra mile to convince the American courts to award her custody, because that would essentially mean deporting the child to Mexico, since that’s where she legally lives.
– With the help of some fellow conspirators, she had herself mildly beat up. Bruises and shit, nothing permanent, and nothing she wouldn’t naturally heal from. The purpose of this to have him [falsely] arrested for domestic abuse. There were some sort of legal issues involved here that would allow her to gain citizenship and a house, all paid for by the state as restitution for her alleged abuse. (I don’t know the details; I’m not an immigration lawyer, or any kind of lawyer at all. I just watch a lot of cop shows. But even if this isn’t legally true, the fact that she believed it to be true is the point here.) Obviously [according to him] he had never abused her.
– She has a scary number of people involved in the plot to ruin his life. Something about a neighbor a few houses away that she helped to pirate his IP address to get him in more legal trouble. (I don’t remember the exact details, but even when I did work tech support, I wasn’t some tor-using 4chan hacker or whatever. I wouldn’t have understood the details even if he did and had told me.)
– There are things missing in his house occasionally. Small things. Nothing expensive, but things that he is meant to notice are stolen. Sometimes the computer, TV, or DVD player are being used when he isn’t around. All meant to send a message that he is not safe in his own home, and people can get to him.
– As I mentioned, she has a lot of people in on this. She is somehow involved in some Mexican gang active in the Phoenix-Scottsdale area. Right before he was scheduled to have a visit to his house from social services regarding their son, she hired some of her gang amigos to come and fuck up his house. They stole things, trashed the place, and make it look like a complete shitdump. Even with the truth, he’s fucked either way: “No, Mr Social Services Man, I swear, my place doesn’t normally look like this! A Mexican street gang broke in last night and trashed the place! It’s normally SO safe for a child to live in…”
– She tried to have him killed, twice. I don’t think he went into too much detail here, and I wasn’t about to ask. I was still basically a stranger to him, even though we were having the heartiest-to-heart of heart-to-hearts.
– He tried to get the police involved, and they didn’t do anything much further than tell him to “hire a detective.” And here I thought Arizona cops loved beating the shit out of all those [insert some random racist epithet here].
– He’s even tried to follow the biblical route: Find out what she wants, and just help her get it instead of fighting fire with fire. If she wants citizenship, then just help her with all the paperwork and character references. Cover for her over her gang ties. He had already tried all of that, and more, and she wanted nothing to do with him, other than to “completely fuck him over.” And that’s what SHE LITERALLY said; I’m quoting him quoting her, not just his interpretation.
In what I am assuming is 130% against company policy, I gave him my personal email address to get in contact with him and put him in touch with some people who could help him out. I wanted to help him, and some corporate rulebook wasn’t going to get in the way of that.
For whatever chaotic cosmic reasons that fate decided to intervene with, he never did end up emailing me. But if you ever read this, dude-from-Arizona-with-the-crazy-bitch-ex, my offer is still open, and I still want to help you keep your kid and your life. It might be a decade later, but Reddit and 4chan are now prominent forces in internet society, they basically hate women indiscriminately, and would relish being given a morally legitimate target to
doxx fuck with. For my part, I spent six years working in intelligence for the government. I don’t know what good that does here, specifically, but it certainly can’t fucking hurt to see if there’s anything I can do to help.